Morsels From Mr. Burns

Since I love the Simpsons and I can't find anymore good Krusty Quotes, I must start ripping off good quotes from other characters. So here are this weeks Morsels From Mr. Burns, Enjoy!

"Mr.Burns: (To Homer)One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!"
Smithers: "Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment."
Mr.Burns: "And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!"
Smithers: "Yes, sir."
Mr.Burns: "Then its all falling into place!"

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Mr. Burns: "Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons."

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Mr. Burns: "Woah, slow down there maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?"

I Found The Jade Monkey And Got $100 For My Troubles...

Yep, I went a gamblin' tonight. My sister and I went to the Agryll Casino and I played the nickel slots. I was attracted to a machine called The Jade Monkey, but only because it reminded me of the Simpsons when Mr. Burns was telling Smithers "You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon" and then Mr. Smithers says "Actually, we found the Jade Monkey, it was in your glove compartment". So I thought of that and I had myself a giggle and plugged in a $20 bill. It was the second and last $20 bill I would be playing. I managed to keep winning enough credits to play for about a half hour. Then I started losing. I thought "That's it, after I lose these 33 credits, I'm done." Then I played 9 lines and 1 bet per line and I got 3 Jade Monkeys and I got the Bonus Game! The bonus game is where you make your money. I got to pick 3 spaces and those spaces revealed my spins, the points multiplier, and something else, so I did the 3 spins and I won 150 more credits! Hot Dog! I was on a roll, then I used up all 3 spins and on the last one, I got another 16 free spins! What a day! at this rate, I could play for hours!, so after 16 spins, and a total of over 2000 credits, I decided that I should just take what I had and walk away. So after about a gazillion quarters came spewing forth from the machine, I took my bucket o' coins and walked over to the cashier and came out with $100 dirty dirty dollars. And that was my night of fun at the casino.

Krusty's Komment

Because I'm a freak about the Simpsons, I am going to put weekly inspirational words of wisdom and other good nuggets on here. So here is the first ever Krusty's Komment:

"Without a Bar Mitzvah, I'm just a boy, with a prostate the size of a goats head"

-Krusty The Clown

Crack Is Whack....And So Is Bobby Brown..

What I am about to reveal is a secret. Not a terrible secret, but a surprising one. I Like Whitney Houstons music. I have since the 80's and up to her last effort a few years ago. I saw the Bodyguard and bought and memorized the soundtrack album. She has the biggest voice and her songs are catchy, so screw you if you make fun of me for liking her. So it was a bit upsetting to see her go from the top of the heap to the bottom thanks to the crack and that douchebag Bobby Brown. Well it seems there is hope as now Whitney has apparently woken up, and actually realized that "Crack is Whack" because it looks like she's kinda gotten clean and now she's divorcing the aforementioned douchebag.... Let's hope for a comeback....because without Whitney, we're stuck with Mariah "Boobs" Carey and Celine "Chest Thumper" Dion to rule the world of Adult Contemporary music...and I dislike them both. Viva La Whitney!

What's In The PurpleMonkey CD Player?

A fine question. Its an UBER hot band from England called Keane. Perhaps you've heard their super snappy hit song "Is It Any Wonder". They are kinda like U2 meets Coldplay meets the Kaiser Chiefs. I swear if you buy the CD called Under The Iron Sea you will lose your sh*t. Check out the website. www.keanemusic.com

Mantracker Rules!

Reality TV is starting to get good again. Pretty much anything on A&E is good (Except for that crappy King of Cars show. What the hell is that?) and even MTV has some good reality shows. But the one I'm most obsessed with at the moment is on the Outdoor Life Network or "OLN" if you will, and its called Mantracker and its freakin awesome!

Its this dude on a horse and a local area guide who knows the terrain. The dude on the horse is the "Mantracker" and he only has his horse, his knowledge and his jaunty hat to catch the "Prey". The "Prey" are two people male or female on a team together and they have a head start and they take off on foot and try to make it to the finish without getting caught by the "Mantracker". It sounds lame, and the people that sign up to be the "Prey" don't win anything other than bragging rights, but I just can't stop watching it. You should watch it too. Its on Sunday evenings on channel 46. Below is the Mantracker. Terry something is his name.