The Best Advice Column Ever!

I have come across yet another gem from the Weekly World News. It seems they have an advice column where psychics answer all the questions posed by readers in their letters to the psychics. So here is the best letter and response I have ever read...


"Dear Sonya,

My husband says I am paranoid but I know I am right. The CIA is flying airplanes over our house and spraying chemicals on me. I'm not crazy, tell my husband I know what I am talking about-and also tell me if I am in danger.-

Concerned in
Lexington Ky."

To Which Sonya Replies:

"Dear Confused: CIA agents are indeed spraying chemicals on you dudette, and you can tell your husband I said so. On a high note, there's no hard evidence that aerosolized LSD-25 will kill you, although my crystal ball informs me that colors might seem a little brighter than usuaul and people might entertain fleeting erroneous thoughts, such as thinking that a stray bug controls the universe or that if they jump off a tall building, they'll fly."

OK, first of all, if you have to write a letter to someone to prove you are not crazy, DO NOT write a letter to a psychic who looks like she belongs on the pages of a nudie magazine in a super market rag that specializes in funny stories that are obviously untrue. Although I personally really do believe that Elvis is indeed alive and well and working as the Night Manager at the local Burger King in small town Louisiana. Honestly. My advice to this lady: End It Now! There is no hope. They are out to get you.

A Possibly Useful Tidbit...

This Gem is straight out of the Weekly World News. According to them, you can learn to banish evil in your spare time.

If a friend or loved one is possessed by the devil, don't go through all the trouble of finding a Catholic Priest, simply follow these 6 simple steps:

1. "Fill a plastic cup with tap water, if you say its holy water, satan can't tell the difference"
2. "Find a cross, if you don't have one, simply tie two objects together"
3. "Make the possessed person lie down"
4. "Holding a Bible in one hand and sprinkle the holy water over your pals body repeating the words The Power of Christ Compells You over and over agian.
5. (my personal fave) "Lay the cross on their abdomen and say"Take a hike Lucifer" and be sure to stand out of the way so as to not get green projectile vomit on you"
6. "In a few minutes the demon will depart and the person will say:"Hey! what happened?" and if not, then repeat steps three to five"

And there you have it folks! a simple At Home Exorcism according to the wonderful folks at the Weekly World News!! So next time your friends and or family are possessed, simply refer back to this handy dandy reference guide.

Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You.....

Really, its just a matter of time...I can just see it now.....

"FROM THE MAKERS OF JAWS AND AUSTIN POWERS COMES.....
STAR WARS: THE REVENGE OF THE SPUD" "STARRING MR. POTATOHEAD AS DARTH TATER"

People Are So Wierd.

Can you believe that there are actually individuals who are so warped that they actually take part in something called Cat Dancing? I know, I couldn't believe it either. Apparently, these freak shows pick out music and work up a dance routine with their cats and compete for money. OMG!! I wonder if the Cat Dancing world is as cut-throat as Square Dancing?

All Movies Are Not Created Equal....

Have you ever noticed that most movies that are get alot of press and hype are rarely ever more than..well....crap? I just watched what has to be the biggest waste of 76 minutes I have ever experienced. I rented the movie Open Water. I was still sick and not wanting to go out so I rented what was promised to be scarier than Jaws, I was promised that I wouldn't want to go back into the water again. I was excited.

I take inventory......Bowl of popcorn....Check.
-Ice cold glass of Pepsi....Check.
-Stereo remote, DVD remote and TV remote.....Check.
-Blanket.....Check.
Everything is all there...I settle into my spot on the couch and turn on the stereo, TV and DVD and prepare to be terrified. For those of you who don't know what this movie is about, I'll give you a brief overview. Its basically about this couple who goes on some island holiday and go scuba diving. They swim away from the rest of the group and don't come back up to the surface on time and the boat they came out on takes off and leaves them in the middle of the ocean stranded. Its apparently based on a true story.

First, I have to say this movie looks like it was shot by Uncle Billy on his Sony Handycam. I think my mother sumed it up when at the beginning of the movie she asked "Is this Canadian made or something?" and that comment pretty much said it all. That was like watching an episode of Danger Bay gone horribly horribly wrong. Then, just when you think there is hope and they might be rescued, the crapiest of crappy endings happenes. It just left me angry and upset. I just thought "That's It????!!!!! This sucks!!" and suck it did. I was so pissed off I wasted 76 minutes of my time on that stinker. It was like the Blair Witch Project....boring, hard to watch and then in the last 2 minutes of the movie, it gets good and ends stupidly. Gah!!!! I can do better.

TRIFECTA.....

A system of betting in which the bettor must pick the first three winners in the correct sequence. Also called a triple.