Tis The Season Indeed.

As Christmas Day looms ever closer, I would like to take this moment to share some Holiday Cheer.....

An Ode To T-Bone

I owe T-Bone. He has fixed my computer and made it all well and good again. T-Bone, YOU RULE!!!! I salute you.

Don't You Hate Pants??

I don't really hate pants, I just don't like to shop for them. There is just too much to deal with, you have to know the waist size and the length and its just so stressful. I also don't like how bloody low waisted these pants have become. Its like an entire generation of teenagers are walking around with terrible cases of Plumber Butt. Honestly kids, didn't your parents ever tell you to Just Say No To Crack?

I also wonder alot about the Incredible Hulk and his pants situation. He seems to go into a rage quite often and it seems that each time he is angry, his pants turn purple and get all ripped up when he calms back down. Does he have a special Purple Pants distributor? where he has to order 365 pairs of purple pants? and how exactly do those pants shrink back down to regular human size after he calms down? Will we ever know?

It's Really Not Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, But That's Still Cool!

First I have to say Jebus! Did Christmas get her fast or what??!! I can't believe its already December 2 and I have pretty much no shopping done. See Christmas is a bit of a toss up holiday for me. I admit I really do love Christmas and its not just because of the presents (although, that can be a draw back too) I just love to freak out and go Martha for a few days and decorate the house. This year I am going to put up so much cheesey crap, its going to look like K-Mart's Christmas department came stumbling drunk into my living room and puked all over! I can't wait!

I also love that people are so cool around the holidays, most of us become less of a dink during the month of December except for the token a-hole who is never happy with anything and who gives his family fruit cake he purchased at Sears about 2 decades ago. Admit it, you hate that guy too! and we all know one or have one in our family.

Then there are the gifts......I kinda have to be a bit of a selfish bag here, I absolutely LOVE to get presents!! there really is nothing better than watching the tree in the days leading up to Christmas, watching that pile grow bigger and bigger and I admit it, when people go to sleep and I am the only one up, and only if the present is wrapped with that fat invisible tape, I will peel back the tape and look at what I got and then wrap it back up. I just can't take the suspense. Sometimes I like to play psychic and shake and squish and rattle the package and make my guess as to what the present is..."Hmmm...rectangular box, relatively flat,....approximately 14 inches in length....no odd smells or sounds coming from it.....kinda squishy to the touch...I do detect the faint sound of tissue paper....I would have to say its a...Sweater!!! possibly Lavendar in color and judging by the weight of the package, I would say its cashmere!" and 3 days later I usually open up a Lavendar Cashmere Sweater!! I like to think of it as a gift. I can also will old late 80's and early to mid 90's sitcoms that I loved back on the air. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I have powers.

I also don't like the problem of the friends and co-workers, how do you know who to buy a gift for? how do you separate the friends from the aquaintences? its all so up in the air! and then there is always the person you don't really talk to that much who buys you a pretty nice gift and then you feel like a dink because you were gonna wait until you were good and liquored up at the office floor Christmas Party and give that person a card and a hearty pat on the back to say "Happy Holidays Chuck!" and then send tipsy Chuck on his merry little way to the photocopy room where he would then proceed to make 100 copies of his ass in super high resolution and then fax those copies to Pittsburgh. For the love of Jebus Chuck, Keep your pants on! but really, how do you separate which friends to give gifts to. I always feel like such a dink not giving and then I say that I will only give them something little and then I feel cheap and I buy more and then I end up panhandling on the street singing Mr. Bojangles for spare change and cigarettes. I love Christmas.

Where's The Flood??

Seriously, where is the flood??!! Is it just me or have you noticed that women have been walking around wearing denim capri pants and boots that cover where your leg would normally show if you were wearing those pants in the summer (like you are supposed to!). What's up with that? Seriously? I don't see a giant wall of water rushing toward us! and if there really was a giant wall of water, do you really think your trendy little stilleto slouch boots and your teeny tiny capris are going to save you? I should say not. Face it, your going to be just as screwed as the rest of us. I have decided I am going to rebel and wear real pants and if there is a giant wall of water coming towards me, I am gonna put on my rubber boots and hold on for a bumpy ride.