I'm Pretty Sure Tori Spelling Is Going To Hell

I don't know why I find this story so damn facinating, its not like Tori Spelling has done anything worth while since her days as Donna Martin, but I just can't help it. Its like Dynasty for real. For the benefit of those that aren't up on their gossip, I'll just take a few to refresh.

About a year ago, Tori married some dude who was probably too good for her in an excessively lavish wedding. This came complete with hundreds of celebrity guests, a champaigne fountain and a price tag of more than $1 000 000 (which Tori complained wasn't enough). Everything seemed fine and dandy for the Mantastic Ms. Tori for about a year....then she left L.A. for Ottawa to start work on a shitty CTV movie of the week and met her co-star Dean McDermott. Dean was married with children to Mary Jo Eustace (formerly of What's For Dinner with Ken and Mary Jo..who didn't love thier bickering?) and it seems that the "sparks" or the "chemistry" were just too darn much for them to ignore and they both ended up cheating on their respective significant others. So Tori, being the skanky cow that she is, couldn't handle the stress of ending her marriage and so she got her therapist to break the news to her husband that she was leaving him for some two-bit douche bag Canadian actor. This was the first stamp on her passport for entry into Hell.

Tori then gets her own reality show on VH1 which is "loosely" based on her life. The show depicts her mother as a blonde air head with a serious shopping problem. Apparently Candy Spelling (Tori's Mom, who incidentally was the inspiration for Alexis on Dynasty) was super pissed with Tori for ending her marriage so soon (especially after that bill came in) and for taking up with the aforementioned Canadian Douche Bag Gold-Digger Dean, and then the show pushed her over the edge. Since then, she and Tori have been in a full-on family fued. Fast forward a few months, and Tori and Dean are married on a beach with no guests and no family present...Candy Spelling is pissed and her fathers health is beginning to fail.

Tori and Dean (who happens to be the first ever graduate of the Kevin Federline School For Gold Digging Men) are spending their time up in Toronto, galavanting to various restaurants and shops and to the MuchMusic Video Awards. Mary Jo announces that she is writing a book called "Tori Spelling Stole My Husband" and later, its at the MMVA's that Tori publically makes fun of Dean's ex and the fact that she can't have children anymore. Wow...that bitch is COLD. It takes a bitchy person to write a Tell All book about someone, but it takes a Super Colossal Mega Bitch to publically make fun of the fact that she can't have children. Stamp #2 on the passport. A couple weeks later, Aaron Spellings health is getting worse, he has a stroke. Does Tori rush back home to be with her dying father? nope. She stays in Toronto and shops. Stamp #3. About a week later, Aaron Spelling sadly passes away...and Tori doesn't come home right away. Stamp #4.

A few days after her fathers death, she goes straight to the tabloids and starts slinging mud that's aimed square at her mother. She tells US Weekly that her mother was carrying on an affair behind her ailing fathers back and that she was done wrong and blah blah blah...more snotty rich girl pity me because I'm rich crap. Stamp #5. Never slander the woman who gave you life...because she can take it back just as easily as she gave it. All of these events have put Ms Spelling in line for bad Karma for about....oh...FOREVER! and it seems that Karma has kicked in. Her father made Candy Spelling the executor of his estimated $500 000 000 fortune and its now being reported by People and US Weekly that Tori is in fact getting the shaft with her share of the inheritance. She is getting $800 000. $200 000 cash and $600 000 in investments. Smart Mr. Spelling put a clause in his will stating that those who contest...get nothing. Smart smart man. So now, Tori is starting a public sympathy campaign as pics of her and her gold-digging dirt bag shopping at pawn shops and dollar stores are starting to make the rounds. Its like she expects us to feel sorry for her after she steals another womans husband, slanders her mother and her husbands ex, and ignores her father as he's dying at home. I don't know about you guys, but I can pretty much garuntee that Ms. Spelling will be on the Devils private jet as she begins her journey to hell. Please God...PLEASE let her be stupid enough to contest the will PLEASE!!!! it would be so awesome to see her get squat.

Below is a pic of Tori and her Douche Bag....Ain't Love Gross?