I Do Not Neglect You....

I have a friend who shall herein be referred to as "T-Bone" and he is of the mind that I have been neglecting him of late. I so haven't. It only seems like I have been neglecting you because you have been sick with the horrible flu of death and many many many other things and you have had to go into hiding because of it.

To help cheer you up and to make sure you will no longer think I am neglecting you, I have come up with several cool things to tell people as to why you haven't been around.

1. "I had a nose job and I didn't want anyone to see me with bandages" and you follow it up with "It looks just like my old nose but slightly better" to account for the lack of plastic surgery.

2. "You see, I was out for a walk when out of no where this pack of angry dogs with bees in their mouths jumped out of the bushes and started shooting bees at me when they barked and it turns out I am allergic to bees and I ballooned up and flaked out like the Pilsbury Dough Boy after about 10 minutes in the oven"

3. " I am actually a contract killer and was called out of town on business" and follow up with "Uhhh...No particular reason, but are you going to be home on Friday night?" make sure you pull a piece of paper out of your bag or brief case and confirm your companions address.

4. "I sprained my ass."

5. "I ratted out some mobsters and they wanna kill me so I have been out house shopping with the Witness Protection Program."

See T-Bone?? I don't neglect you and I have helped you with several clever solutions as to why you aren't at work. Love Me Still??