Bob Barker Rules

I think it is my destiny to "COME ON DOOWWWNNNNN!!!"........That's right boys and girls, it seems that I was born to be on The Price is Right. I have been watching it when I can since I was 5 years old and it seems I have an uncanny knack for guessing the prices on the fabulous prizes.

It has actually always been my dream to go on the Price Is Right. I wanna run down that aisle flailing my arms with reckless abandon (and hoping like hell I don't fall) and bid on that toaster!! imagine it....."I bid $1.00 Bob" and then those fateful words..."And the actual retail price is......" and I bid the closest.

I have this dream where I run up on stage and I even have one of those t-shirts with some stupid saying about Bob Barker on it. He leads me over to the middle of the stage, those trippy doors push back!! and all I can see is that totally bitchin purple stair case..I think "No! it can't be" but it is...it's PLINKO!!!! I guess the price of 3 mundane items and get all 3 chances to win, I climb the stairs and drop the first disc. Blip blik bleepblee bloop blip bleop bop. It lands on $10,000 I freak out, and drop the second disc. Blip Blip thunk tink blip, it lands on $10,000 and again with the 3rd disc. I have made to the finale of all finales!!! THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN! that means I get to spin the big wheel.

I nervously wait for my turn to spin that big wheel, and I again hope like hell that I so don't give it one of those stupid prissy girly spins that doesn't even go all the way around. I step up and haul on that thing like I am the Incredible Hulk and someone has just seriously pissed me off. It spins...bleeep bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep,bleep,bleep,ble-e-e-ep. It rolls to a stop on $1.00! I am in the showcase showdown and I get the bonus spin. I land on $1.00 again and yes, another $10,000. This is beginning to be more than I can bear. I see the first showcase and its crap. You know, the standard shitty Dinette set, carpet, and crappy dishes. I pass it to the poor sap that's the runner up he looks like he weighs about 35 pounds soaking wet and I think to myself "Man, its gonna be cool to beat him in this showcase! and possibly later in the parking lot with a stick for wearing that shirt with those shoes"

I can tell by the music in the background, that my showcase is themed and its gonna be good. I see the first item is a new large screen plasma TV, the second is a trip to Paris, France (not to be confused with Paris, Texas) and the finale is A NEW CAR!!!!!! and bonus! its a hot little convertable. I mentally add up my guessimate of what they are worth. Carry the 1 and don't forget the exchange rate plus sales tax, and I bid "26,500 BOB!!!!!". The other freakshow next to me makes a stupid bid and I think to myself "Your stupid buddy! you'll never win with that shitty bid" and I laugh to myself silently and again think"Heh heh heh, its in the bag". The show is back from commercial, and the actual retail price of my showcase is......"$26,600" I WIN BOTH SHOWCASES!!! I hug Bob and run over to my prizes and freak out some more with some friends. This is the best dream ever.

So you never know, next time you watch the price is right look for the spazzy chick in the Saved By The Bell T-Shirt screaming "Higher Bob! Higher!" from the audience. It may be me.